Border Security Is A "Red Herring"

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In a world where "welcome" signs are as rare as a politicians fulfilled campaign promises, the U.S. border security system stands on a strategy that can best be described as "confused but enthusiastic."

While a sizeable majority of Americans view the current situation at the U.S.-Mexico border as either a crisis or as a major/minor problem, I think that the idea of border security as a political issue is a red herring (i.e., a clue or piece of information that is, or is intended to be, misleading or distracting). My belief is that those who refer to this issue in this manner are worriedly wringing their hands, wailing "Hannibal is at the gates!" using the same animated hyperbole that my once teenage daughter did, crying "we're all going to die" when our internet router went down during a power outage.

Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but their implication is that the howling hordes of Carthage are already on their way to take your jobs leaving you and your family homeless, hungry, and aimlessly wandering the mean streets of Rome. Then, there are the overblown fairy tales of shady foreigners lurking around school yards trying to give away - not sell - drug-laced candies "to all the good little boys and girls." Or (even worse) that the heathen Carthaginians will raid and burn your home, steal all of your belongings, and carry your children to be sold into slavery, but only after they kill you in your sleep using methods too macabre to relate to a good, Christian audience.

Of course, nothing of that sort could be further from the truth. To quote an old movie, "most of them are decent enough. They're just trying to make a living." ("Taxi drivers." "Not as many as you might think.")

Their implication is that the howling hordes of Carthage are already on their way to take your jobs leaving you and your family homeless and hungry, aimlessly wandering the streets of Rome. Then, there are the overblown fairy tales of shady foreigners lurking around school yards trying to give away - not sell - drug-laced candies "to all the good little girls and boys." Or (even worse) that the heathen Carthaginians will raid and burn your home, steal all of your belongings, and carry your children to be sold into slavery, but only after they kill you in your sleep using methods too macabre to relate to a good, Christian audience.

Of course, nothing of that sort could be further from the truth. To quote an old movie, "most of them are decent enough. They're just trying to make a living."

Unfortunately, based on the obvious lack of any substantive results so far, it appears to me that the Old Parties have no real desire to fix our current border security issues. No, it seems to me that both of the Old Parties (and their candidates) derive more traction on the issue with their "Hannibal is at the gates!" narrative.

Most Americans (including Democrats and Republicans) recognize that there are better economic opportunities in the U.S. and often cite this as a significant factor for the influx of migrants at the U.S.-Mexico border. As for how to improve the situation, this is also politically divisive. Republicans say, "build the wall!" Ah yes, the famous border wall. A marvel of modern engineering designed to keep out everything from illegal immigrants to rogue mariachi bands. Critics argue building a wall is about as effective as using a sieve to hold water while supporters insist it's a testament to America's ability to build really big things that may or may not actually serve the purpose for which it was built. Meanwhile, somewhere in Texas, a confused armadillo wonders if it shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

Democrats suggest adding more resources to provide safe and sanitary conditions for migrants arriving in the U.S., but Republicans would only agree to it if those conditions were part of a World War 2-era "relocation camp". Picture this: a row of stern-faced officers, sunglasses gleaming, standing guard at a border crossing. Their mission? To strike fear into the hearts of smugglers, terrorists, and errant tourists trying to figure out if they’re supposed to declare that bag of Doritos they bought in Tijuana. Of course, if you ask these stalwart defenders, I'd bet that many of them would rather be guarding the often-overlooked northern border with Canada, where Mounties and moose outnumber actual security personnel, and the most threatening contraband is maple syrup smuggled in without a permit. Occasionally, a polite apology is issued when someone accidentally crosses into the wrong country, followed by an awkward exchange of poutine recipes and small talk about the latest curling bonspiel.

Back at the southern U.S. border, behind the scenes, the latest in high-tech wizardry is employed to monitor the border. Drones patrol the skies like overeager seagulls at a beach picnic, while sensors beep and buzz like the security portal at a toddler’s toy store. Occasionally, a misplaced tumbleweed triggers a Level 5 security alert, prompting a SWAT team to rush in only to confront the Monty Python troupe remaking "Holy Grail" using the offending shrubbery.

Unfortunately, the vast ideological divide between the Old Parties will continue to hinder any bipartisan legislation proposed to "fix" the immigration and border security systems. What I can derive from the position statements from each of the Old Parties is that they (and their candidates) don't want you to even try to understand the real issue (hence the "red herring" idea) because their open-ended narratives of fear and anxiety regarding border security continue to propel them into the offices that they seek where (statistically speaking) they will afterwards ignore you so that they can (in two or four years) campaign on the same issues to remain in office.

This concludes today's lesson on "How to Use Fear-Mongering to Get (and Stay) Elected". Class dismissed.